Thus I have Spoken

November 2, 2005

My Disclaimer

Filed under: Uncategorized — steamdragon @ 7:17 pm

This post reflects my thoughts and opinions. It does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of this Forum, the Church, my country of origin, my wife, my kids, my fish, my cats (if I had one and I do not), my car, or my computer. All rights reserved. Subject to change without notice. Enlarged to show detail. Employees and their family are not eligible. Beware of dog. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Hand wash only. Do not fold, spindle, staple, or mutilate. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Void where prohibited. No warranties expressed or implied. User assumes all liabilities. Not liable for damages due to misuse. An equal opportunity employer. No shirt, no shoes, no service. Quantities are limited. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Quality may vary. No parking. No Standing. No Solicitors. No Spitting. No Kidding. Post No Bills. No one under 17 admitted. Keep away from direct sunlight. Limited one per family. No money down. No purchase necessary. Cash and carry. You do not need to be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. Breaking seal voids warranty. Has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory animals. Action figures sold separately. Do not insert into any bodily orifice. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models are over 18 years of age. Available in fine stores everywhere. Take a number please. Preservatives added to improve freshness. Safety goggles must be worn at all times. Hard hat area. Sealed for your protection. The buck stops here. Call before you dig. Add toner. Place stamp here or post office will not deliver. For external use only. If a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use and consult your physician. Use only with proper ventilation. Sanitized for your protection. Avoid extreme temperature. Store in a cool dry place. Refrigerate after opening. Keep away from open flame. Avoid contact with eyes. Wash, rinse, repeat. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near any magnetic source. May be hazardous to your health. We’re not in Kansas any more. Hi ho hi ho it’s off to work I go. Slippery when wet. For official use only. Not affiliated with with any government agency. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Trespassers will be prosecuted. No animals were harmed in the making of this film. No salt, MSG, or artificial color added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting. If symptoms persist, call 911. The white zone is for passenger loading and unloading only. Contents under pressure. Restaurant packaging, not for resale. Pull down, then tear up. Contents may settle during shipment. Sign here without admitting guilt. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Driver does not carry cash. Auto pilot is engaged during flight. Substantial penalties for early withdrawal. Slightly higher outside the continental US. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. Other restrictions may apply. Your mileage may vary. This post represents the collective opinions and views of the voices in my head.You may distribute this article freely, but may not make a profit from it. Actual cash value of this website is 1/1000th of a cent. Listen to your mom. Eat your veggies. Wear your seatbelt. Don’t take candy from strangers… or strange people… or anyone really. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life and move on. This list was current at the time of printing. Terms are subject to change without notice. All decisions are final! This supersedes all previous notices. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, or other acts of God, neglect, damage from improper use, incorrect line voltage, unauthorized use, unauthorized repair, improper installation, typos, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, disk failure, accidental file deletions, mud slides, forest fire, hitting of a deer, milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking, or projectiles, which can include, but are not limited to, arrows, bullet shots, BBs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc. This disclaimer may not be copied or reproduced in any form without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from.

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